Saturday, November 1, 2008

Men, Food and a Deserted Island

Here is a quick test to see what kind of man you have in your life. I thought of this after reading one of my favorite blogs. OK, so I decided after living with three male monsters who were selfish and self centered, I would come up with a type of “what would you do…” type of screening question for future men in my life.

I realize the home is truly the responsibility of the woman and she really does know almost every thing there is in each cupboard in the kitchen and refrigerator. Now, you bring a man in there, he opens the door and cannot find his beer or the cheese because it is not FLAT OUT in front of his BLIND face. There may actually be a carton of milk in front of it, (God forbid) or worse yet, her tub of yogurt!

So here is the test: You ask him what he would do if you were deserted on an island (the kitchen) togethe
r with a fixed amount of food supplies, limited to a small wooden crate (the refrigerator). You tell him what types of food are in this box and tell him you will divvy out the portions equally each day/meal. Then you tell him that you only have one Twinkie or cookie and you assume this will be split equally or, you as a female, being givers of life, will probably let him have your half…right? Well, maybe. Two days go by and you are both starving, looking at that last Twinkie; you both go to bed and pray for a miracle the next day. The next day you get up and it is gone! What is his response? You want to hear the ones I received? These are real my friends and I mean it.

One of my “lovely” suitors told me in all sincerity that he would and
should always get more than I because he was bigger and needed more energy to function and, he would have been sneaking into the box every night eating everything. With a deadpan face, he told me if there was one left, he would take it and fight for it.

Male number two: This is not even a discussion because he takes the last of everything and leaves the empty box, bucket or wrapper! So being deserted together would be sheer hell and so it was. The refrigerator was always full of empty wrappers and I would come home thinking I could make a sandwich with the turkey….what turkey? There isn’t any bread either….!!!! Getting my drift???????

Male number three: No that is OK, you take this, really. I want you to have this and eat it…as his fork comes over to take a bite…then another bigger and bigger and
as he eats, he truly believes he is being the bigger “man.”

So, how do you think this bad girl solved some of these issues? Well, when the fork came over to have a “taste,” her fork tines went into his hand! When number two thought it so funny to leave empty containers, this innocent creature emptied the kitchen and refrigerator of all food filled boxes, dry or otherwise and filled them all up with empty boxes. The refrigerator was full of empty wrappers, Tupperware with nothing in them, empty sandwich meat bags and for the bread, she filled it with sawdust mixed with mashed potatoes, made it into a form looking like bread and left that as well. For the first male, he was an easy fix; Ex-lax brownies did a number on him. ;-))))) So, the moral of the story is; don’t mess with the kitchen help!!!!!! Now, try this out on your men and see just how magnanimous they really are. ;-)


Golden Piglet said...

humm... Does number four exist? I think so!

Snow White said...

yep number four exists but me thinks he might fit into the first scenario...

JPCharley said...

LOL!! LOL!! I live with a number 3 (hubby) and a number 2 (the kid). LOL!! I am so Screwed...LOL!!

Snow White said...

Lord woman, I forgot you have two male creatures in your POOR thing!!! LOL! A number 3 and are definitely screwed! Guess you and I should go hang out and get screwed together on some kind of liquid...any suggestion works for me. ;-)

LOVE ya chick!!!!